Quite frankly, the idea of journaling makes me groan. What teacher has the time? Outside of teacher's college and AQ courses, does anyone really do it?
I don't. And I am certain I am not alone. Afterall, I've never seen a reflective journal sitting on the desk in any classroom I've been in; I've never walked into a classroom to borrow some materials and interrupted a teacher writing in their journal; no teacher has said they are unable to meet with me after school because they're devoting the first 15 minutes after the final bell goes to uninterrupted journaling. The thought of such a thing happening makes me chuckle it sounds so ridiculous to me.
But there is value in it, we are told. The benefits the experts toute include that journaling:
- Aids memory
- Provides a context for growth
- Provides a means for interacting with, elaborating on and expanding ideas.
- Is a tool for growth
- Gives meaning to experiences
- Allows for connections to be made between new information and current knowledge
- Adds an affective element to the learning process
I have To Do lists, lesson plans that work to put my ideas into practice, and calendars to aid my memory. I can grow as a teacher and make connections and elaborate on ideas by just sitting and thinking about something for a while. I could talk things through with a collegue, a mentor, or a friend. I could even talk myself through a challenge I am facing. These all seem reasonable courses of action to me, and I think I could argue they'd be just as effective and less time-consuming.
So, why journal?
Some of my frustration with journaling stems from some of the other benefits that experts have identified. They include:
- Reveals thought process
- Reveals mental habits
- Provides a tangible evidence of mental processes
- Makes thoughts visible and concrete
- Demonstrates movement into deeper learning
Do I really need have my thoughts and mental processes revealed in order to be an effective teacher? Do my thoughts need to be visible and concrete?
So long as I am thinking critically about what I do and why I do it, what is the point in writing about it in a journal? The valuable ingredients for a reflective practice are thinking, problem solving, and improving one's practice as a result, not in writing it all down. It seem like such a waste of time when there are so many things we busy teachers could be doing instead.
Journaling is a means to an end, not an end in itself.
What is the "end" exactly? I am just not buying the idea that the "end" is to reveal thought processes and provide concrete evidence of the development that has taken place. I view these to be more for the benefit of my instructors than of any intrinsic value to me (with the exception being if I personally need tangible reassurance that I am growing as a professional).
Perhaps that sits well with someone who takes the idea "I think therefore I am" and somehow concludes that it then follows that if one does not write down their thinking that they are not thinking at all. (And thus they are not?)
Ok, I don't mean to get ridiculous or overly philisophical here. While I can see the potential in journaling (it does provide a means for reflection) I fail to see the value in some of the benefits, revealing thought processes for one. That may be a means to an end, but not an end in itself. No one is going to convince me to journal by telling me "Oh, but if you do, your mental processes will be revealed to yourself!".
...And? What does that do for me?
I haven't figured that one out yet.
So putting aside those benefits that doesn't have clear value to me, here's what I can buy into: I want to be less stressed, more effetive, and more creative. I want to elaborate on my great ideas, find personal meaning in teaching, change, and grow. I want to deepen my learning and be an amazing teacher as a result.
But I'm not keen on journaling. At least, not if there is a less cumbersome way of reaping the benefits. Who has the time? It's really hard for me to wrap my head around the idea that journaling is an effective way to achieve the benefits that I do buy into.
But all of this may all be for not.
As it turns out, I have to journal. At least while in school or taking Additional Qualification courses. And because the thought of doing somehthing that could be done more effectively and in less time frustrates me, here is how I have reconciled the fact that I am keeping a journal in the first place:
1) It's more thorough than just thinking. While writing does slow me down, it also works to slow my thinking down and that's probably a good thing. It forces me to stop, and actually think without getting distracted with trying to keep up with my own thoughts and ideas. Sometimes, when ideas and thoughts come to me so fast, it's hard for me to keep all of my thoughts straight and I can get lost in my thoughts and actually confuse myself. Journaling forces me to have far fewer thoughts at a time and hold them in my consciousness long enough to write them down. In the moment it takes me to do that I have the opportunity for deeper, undistracted examination of that thought. I think more thoroughly than I would otherwise.
2) It provides motivation to reflect. If you've ever wondered why you should be reflecting on your practice in the first place, journaling can provide you with both the reason and the motivation. Reflecting on my practice is important, but I know I don't do it as much as I should. I haven't been journaling for long, but I have found that writing down my reflections shows me how much I change, grow and learn as a result of my own reflections. When I don't write them down, it's hard to see at the end of a week or month just how much my own reflections have changed what I do or how I do things. Realizing how importantly reflection is, the more I will do it (even if I don't journal it every time), and the sooner I become an even better teacher.
3) It's more personal than talking with a mentor. Thinking creatively, discussing challenges, and collaborating with a collegue, a mentor, my principal, or my instructor is invaluable, but I have to admit that while journaling I write down ideas that I wouldn't ever bring up to them in conversation. Journaling allows me to disagree with them without consequence, or play out creative ideas without looking silly. Eventually, a gem of an idea that wouldn't have gotten a moment of my attention - having been dismissed on the grounds of looking like an idiot - might develop into a well thought-out plan that can be articulated in such a way that I can get the most stubborn critic on board. Journaling could provide the means of working through something I wouldn't have otherwise put the time and effort into, leading me to find that there there may be some merit to my idea afterall.
4) Problem-solving, ideation, and journaling are not "either/or". I have come to realize that the scraps of paper that I brainstorm on, the file folders I've stuffed with works-in-progress, the duotangs I've filled with projects I thought I would try, the pro/con lists and mind maps I've made, and the notes to myself written in moments of inspiration are actually entries in a journal that didn't exist. If someone had slapped a sticker on a spiral-bound notebook that read "Sarah's Ideas: Some Stupid, Some Hot, Some Finished, Some Not, then I probably would have started journaling a long time ago. It would have saved me the trouble of deciding whether the miscellaneous pieces of papers were worth holding to or not, and if so, where the heck to put them. Looking at journaling this way is my greatest ally to actually do it: I am doing it already without realizing it, which means that I actually can do it without any further inconvenience! This is probably my greatest motivator for keeping a journal because it allows me to see journaling as something that makes total sense for me.
Even still, I have an underlying resistance to "journaling". My biggest objection is the time. Here are tips and mindsets that I find useful to get me through those moments of resistance:
1) Quality not Quantity. When I first started journaling I thought I was supposed to get down every one of those wonderful but extremely fleeting ideas that I had. This mindset lead to marathon journaling sessions that left me with my head swimming with ideas that I hadn't yet gotten down. An hour or more would pass and I would finally quit with my head swimming with ideas that I hadn't yet gotten down, a headache, and the dreadful feeling of being overwhelmed. I was definitely more stressed out than I started, and it is absolutely no wonder I didn't keep the practice up. Now, I keep my journal entries to about half a page. Sometimes more, but often less. If my entry get much longer than that I know I am not focused and that if I continue my mind will likely become more muddled rather than less, and the session will not be effective. In other words I stop. I rarely bother to re-focus and continue; the risk is that it would lead to further frustration if I was unable to become productive and I wasted another 10 minutes on top of the 10 minutes I already invested in the activity.
2) Don't Wait to Journal. My readings on journaling advise that we ought to schedule time through-out the week devoted to journaling. It's a valid suggestion, but it can also be a little intimidating to stare at a blank page at 3:15 in the afternoon and wondering how you are going to fill it. Instead, try journaling throughout the day. You may find that there were 3 separate opportunities to write something brief down during the day. Those breif entries are likely more valuable than the drivel you write because you felt you had to write something. Jouraling those thoughts as you have them throughout the day also allows you to write down ideas of things you might like write about in more detail when you get the chance. That way, when your scheduled journaling time does roll around you can jump right in with something you feel compelled to write about.
3) Journaling is Like Putting a Frozen Roast in a Slow-Cooker. Growing and developing as a teacher does not happen in the 5 minutes it takes to write a journal entry. It's a slow process that often develops over time. Think that everything you add to your journal needs to be earth-shattering and profound? Don't put that kind of pressure on yourself. Not every journal entry is going to be ground-breaking in your development as a teacher, so don't quit journaling just because you don't see the value in it right away. Putting those expectations on yourself is bound to inhibit your progress and makes the task far more daunting than it needs to be. Relax.
4) Journaling is like Self-Directed Therapy. Outside of journaling for your instructors, in which case what you likely given guidance regarding what you are to write about, journaling can be what you want it to be. If you want to rant or complain, go ahead, get whatever it is that's bothering you off your chest. If you feel excited and inspired about a project that a collegue is undertaking write a list of 10 things you could do to contribute or get involved. If you are trying to decide what lunchtime activity to run, write a pro/con list of the ideas you are trying to decide between. If you are having trouble connecting with a student, write a pretend letter to them telling them what you see and value in them. Your journal entries should generally be important and potentially useful to you.
With the right attitude and mindset I am getting myself through the "journaling" aspect of my AQ Courses. Afterall, identifying the attitudes that will help support my journaling rather than undermine it, and identifying aspects of journaling that could be of value to me, has enabled me to wrap my head around the idea of journaling without wanting to pull my hair out in frustration and boredom, and who knows, if the benefits of journaling really do exist outside of study, then who knows: Maybe I will make journaling a part of my teaching practice. (Did I just say that?)
No, I won't go that far. At best, maybe my insights and suggestions on how to approach journaling will be helpful in getting other professionals through the journaling that they will be required to do during the course of their studies. Afterall, it is otherwise a completely painful endeavour. If that is the case they'll probably wondering how someone so anti-journaling came up with such helpful advice on how to get through such a painful process. --Oh, wait... No, it couldn't be. I didn't journal about this first, did I??
Sigh.
Of course I did.
